17:19 

Inner monologue containing some personal stuff and probably incorrect english

Ai_Rina
But i want it to be in english for some reason.
Since I'm a woman I need to say things out loud to feel better. And I don't have people to talk to. So...

You might wanna not read this.

Ok, I gotta admit, I've been really frustrated recently. I feel like I do something wrong. Not exactly sure what is it, but the fact i don't feel happy means I do something wrong. It's obvious.
Maybe the reason is that I focused my attention on things which I can't control. Like family. I can't make a family on my own. There has to be a man at least. And... there's no a man. And it sucks. It does bother me.
But also there're not much I can do. I mean, it just happens to people. Eventually. Or not happens. Anyways. It's sort of fate. It's not under my control. And, well, whatever. Don't want to worry about it anymore.

There are things I can control. Like job, hobbies, friends.
My job is not that bad actually. Yeah, I have a crazy boss. I complain about it a lot. But. While I don't know what I want to do for a living, it's not a bad way to spend time. There are good people there. And children. And I'm getting some skills. And wages.
Hobbies. Well, yeah, I always wanted to be a film maker. I have no idea why I gave up. I still think it's amazing to make movies. I still wanna be part of it. But... well, it didn't happen. And now I don't know how to get there. And I... I gave up. But. I became a photographer instead. Sort of...
Which is pretty cool. Because I like it and this is something I really want to do. And I think I could even be successful. If I was more confident.
Making friends is actually the hardest thing ever for me. Because I shy. I mean, I really shy! I can't just be like "hey, you're cool, let's be friends". I have to break myself everytime i need to talk to someone new. People feel it. People don't like it. And yeah, i'm lonely.
I have a couple of friends. They're nice. I love them. But I need something else. I need soulmates. I don't have any of soulmates. Well I trying to...

So, that's what I've got for now.
It's not like my life is bad or I'm a bad person.
It's just a difficult period of life for me.
I feel bad. I feel lost. I feel lonely.
I don't know what to do, where to go. I need some help, some inspiration, some people around.
But nobody is around.
I have to deal with it by myself.

I'm sure everything's gonna be fine.
Just not today.

URL
   

"Total nerd"

главная